There are certain dating deal breakers that you should never ignore, no matter what. Knowing and understanding it can protect you from being manipulated and betrayed.
One day there may be a vaccine against COVID-19. But there will never be a vaccine that will make you immune to bad relationships (I spent years in the lab developing one).
Immunity from toxic relationships can only be achieved by recognizing the common traps and identifying the Machiavellian tactics that toxic people employ.
If you are currently in a toxic relationship, you are probably wondering how this could have happened? I am a smart, independent person. I should have known better.
Oh darling, you’ve been betrayed. Although it may have started under the pretext of heaven, it has led you to a deep, dark hell. But do not worry.
Crazy relationships are like the chickenpox virus: once it happens and you learn from it, it usually never happens again.
If your lover is showing any of the following signs or doing the following: run away, guys and gals. Ladies, if you see any of these signs, ditch your stilettos and run far, far away. Pack your things and get out of here. Escape the scene. Get out of here. List your apartment on Air B&B and move to Costa Rica (or somewhere that isn’t on your public Pinterest board).
5 Dating Deal Breakers You MUST NOT Ignore
1. You are perfect.
One of the biggest warning signs in dating is that of idealization. It’s not that they are lying: they really believe that you are perfect. They don’t see any weaknesses in your physical appearance, character, dreams or aspirations.
You are everything they hoped for from their partner and more. You are a divine, special unicorn from a human (impossible cheesy, but “unicorn” best sums up the invigorating spirit behind it). They don’t perceive you as a human being – you’re an angelic, never-killed-a-spider catwalk model.
That is, until you are no longer. Over time, their pink outlook will fade and they will start to be disaffected with your humanity. You will start to criticize everything. Nothing will be enough for them.
2. Woe to me.
Narcissists and sociopaths target empaths. And what quality sets an empath apart from the crowd? A bottomless source of empathy for others.
If this person is bad news, they will likely make up a complex, traumatic past that they heroically overcome – all within the early stages of dating.
By gaining your sympathy and amazement, they will assess how naive and harmless you are to exploit you in the future.
3. My ex was crazy.
Nothing is as disturbing as someone who claims that all of their exes were insane. No wave in the relationship was due to a stone they had thrown; it was always due to some emotional upheaval in her unstable partner.
But it’s not that they’ve had wonderfully bad luck in relationships – instead, they likely used a creative concoction of gaslighting, manipulation, cheating, and lying in their relationships and using the convenient “crazy ex” stamp to cover their tracks.
Rest assured, history is the best predictor of the future, and when you have a trail of drama behind you, there’s a trail of drama ahead of you.
4. I’ll show you.
Oh dear sweet narcissist Nobody cares the way you think they do. But alas, they will strive to show everyone how great they are in order to strengthen the shell around their empty and insecure core.
A narcissist is always under the illusion of the spotlight effect – they constantly perceive that all eyes are on them. Typically, they have carefully curated social media accounts and grandiose plans to get more exposure.
They live for validation and strive to prove themselves at every turn. Your fragile ego cannot handle the terror of perceived inadequacy.
5. We are against the world.
Running! Run, run, run, run!
The narcissist is naturally suspicious of others. You cannot sense that the world is a supportive, self-contained place. For them, life is full of scammers, liars, and competitors. But they seem to forget the axiom of all axioms: our view of the world is an admission of our own character.
For the narcissist, telling you: “Us against the world” is the ultimate compliment – who wouldn’t want to be permanently in cahoots with you in order to conquer the world?
They will try to draw a line in the sand between your relationship and the “rest of the world”.
But remember: there’s a fine line between being half a dynamic duo and being a narcissist hostage.