Oh, all those damn lies we’ve been told about love …

If you’re a romantic at heart like me, it’s a safe bet that you have suffered quite a bit in love.

Whose fault is it ? Everyone.

There are countless lies circulating about love. After all, every song on the radio seems to be about it, right?

The blockbuster reality shows and romantic comedies we watch are all about romance and there’s always a couple everyone would love to see work out.

All of these portrayals of love in the media distort our view of love and cause us to believe things that are just not true.

Social networks are of no use either. Instagram influencers share their gorgeous weddings and their friends throw selfies all night long.

Dating apps and websites promise to find your soul mate, too.

In short, it can become difficult to tell the difference between fact and fiction when it comes to our expectations of love.

From the notion of soul mates to going to bed angry, there is a lot to question when it comes to love.

In my own experience, here are some damn lies we’ve been told about love.

1st lie: love is subject to conditions

“I will give you love when you do what I ask of you”

True love should never be based on a person’s performance.

Rather, it should be based on seeing the best in someone, all the time.

This does not mean that abusive behavior should be tolerated, of course.

It just means that if you love someone, you love them for who they are. You give your love all the time, not just because that person is complying with your requirements.

“If you loved me you would stop being messy”

Every day there are probably 1000 little things your other half can do that will be boring.

Focusing on those little things and demanding change is not loving the person for who they are.

True love overlooks this type of inconvenience and sees the whole person.

2nd lie: love wants to be cruel

“If I’m on your back all the time, it’s because I love you”

Under the pretext of telling the truth “because he loves you”, your partner might choose a sarcastic tone when speaking to you. 

Love is the opposite of that: you can comment in a kind, non-hurtful way. Without damaging the other person’s ego, without generating fear.

3ᵉ lie: love does not wait and is impatient by nature

“If you really loved me you would do whatever I ask right now”

To demand the immediate, not to tolerate that the other has a different rhythm or to be annoyed / irritated by it is not love.

Not everyone has the same pace in life! Loving someone therefore means accepting these differences, which are usually determined by their personality, trauma and motivation.

4ᵉ lie: love is manifested by jealousy

“I can see that you prefer to spend more time with the children than with me”

Comparing the love of one person to another is dangerous.

The love a parent feels for a child is not the same as the love for a friend, spouse, parent, or even a pet.

Each has a different meaning.

“Who is this guy, why are you laughing together?”

In this case, you’ve probably heard someone tell you that your partner’s jealousy is proof that they love you. 

Nothing more wrong. If he loved you, he would trust you and, by extension, wouldn’t have to hold you accountable all the time. 

A little jealousy can be exciting, but when it falls into someone else’s control, it’s not normal .

5ᵉ lie: love requires self-sacrifice

“I love him so much that I would do anything for him”

No. Bad idea, very bad idea. 

Adapting to your partner’s needs, making them feel special, planning your whole life around them, it all takes a lot of effort and patience.

But when it’s one person doing everything to make it work, it’s definitely not healthy for a long-term relationship.

The couple is something that requires effort on both sides.

6ᵉ lie: love has only 2 ways of being

“Either we love or we no longer love”

Love is not black and white and anyone who thinks so is terribly wrong.

There are degrees in the feeling of love. The word itself is subjective. The definition of love in a person can be more or less intense compared to someone else’s vision.

You can care about someone but not think of yourself as “in love” with that person, can you?

7ᵉ lie: love, always

“You told me you would love me forever”

Yes, and at the time it was true. But love, like other feelings, is not frozen in time.

Forced love also becomes a destructive weapon, which can leave permanent scars.

Staying in a bad relationship is one of the biggest sources of stress and depression, know this.

You have the right (see obligation!) To fix the problem if you want to give yourself a chance to lead a full and happy life.

8ᵉ lie: love is natural

“If it’s complicated, it’s not love”

We would like to and sometimes, it’s true, it goes without saying. But this is an exception.

Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is a choice and a commitment.

Love is about choosing to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, and you will also need to decide if you really want to invest in the person you say you love.

Choosing to invest in your relationship takes work. It is not innate, it even requires certain skills.

Feeling in love isn’t enough to make a relationship work, you’ll learn that sooner or later.