KNOW HIS SECRET OBSESSION TO ATTRACT HIM SUBCONSCIOUSLY
1. You cannot assume that another person knows that you value them.
Don’t take your partner for granted. Even if you’ve been together for twenty years, tell your partner that you value them – every day, if possible.
Just saying, “I appreciate you reminding me to water the plants” or “I think it’s nice that you bring me a glass of water when you get one yourself” can make a big difference.
2. Sometimes happiness is worth more than being right.
We can choose which battles we want to fight. If you try to be right at the expense of your partner’s happiness, it will make you unhappy too. You two are a team, and if either one loses, you both lose.
3. You’re better off alone than with someone just keeping your bed warm.
It’s not fair for either party if you settle for a relationship just because you want one. You’re telling yourself that you don’t deserve more. You are blocking the way for both of you to meet someone else.
And just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t mean your loneliness will go away. With no real connection, you just go to bed with a friend (if at all) every night.
4. Be with what someone shows you, not with their potential.
I’ve spoken to countless people who thought they could change partners. “If only he was more ambitious he could be so successful,” they said.
With this mindset, you are building a relationship with something that doesn’t exist. You then have high expectations that the other never promised. You will end up resenting him for that, even though you created the grudge yourself.
5. Another person cannot make you happy.
If you’re dissatisfied with your life as a single, a relationship won’t fix that either. Happiness comes from within and only you can ensure it.
It is not your partner’s job to make you happy, nor is it their fault if you feel sad (except when they treat you badly, of course).
As an individual in a relationship, it is your own responsibility to do what needs to be done to make you happy.
6. You cannot make someone love you.
People cannot control who they love. As hard as you try to get someone to love you, you won’t be able to change their mind through force.
If someone wants to be with another person or is no longer in love with you, let them go. Yes it hurts. But it’s better than being in a relationship with someone you need to convince to love you.
7. Superficial qualities don’t create lasting relationships.
This piece of advice probably deserves an eye roll, but it’s true nonetheless: appearance, ambition, and wealth may draw you towards someone in the beginning but not make you happy in the long run.
Qualities like respect, admiration, communication skills, and a willingness to grow are all things about a person that indicate that you can ride the roller coaster of life with them.
8. You will either grow together or grow apart.
You are a completely different person than you were ten years ago and in ten years you will be a completely different person. When you are with someone who is not interested in personal growth, you will find yourself growing apart in life.
Instead, find someone who is open-minded and not interested in stagnation in life.
9. Love is a choice, not a feeling.
Feelings come and go, and yet people are in relationships for decades. This is because love is not a feeling, it is a choice.
You choose to keep loving even after all of the pretty parts of a relationship break down. Love breaks apart when you stop making that decision.
10. Love is not enough for a relationship to work.
Sometimes two people can be in love and still not be right for each other.
If you don’t treat each other well, or if you don’t trust and respect each other, you are most likely to be in a relationship that won’t stand the test of time.
11. Keep dating yourself in the relationship.
To this day I plan a lot of time for myself. I don’t feel like myself if I don’t do the things that give me pleasure.
If you stop dating yourself and give all of your love to your partner, at that point you stop being the person your partner fell in love with.
12. It’s up to you to ask for what you want in the relationship.
Your needs are your responsibility. You have to say something when something is on your mind.
Your partner should respect what you ask for, but you cannot expect them to be able to read minds. Keeping silent will only cause you more pain.
13. You do not have to agree on everything; you have to respect each other.
It’s okay to have different views; in fact, your relationship remains interesting because you have different opinions. But being disrespectful just because your partner disagrees with you will erode your relationship.
14. You contribute to a relationship every day.
A relationship isn’t just one thing, it’s made up of a thousand little things. It doesn’t stop the moment you get stuck together or when you say, “Yes, I do.” She is like a little child; you have to take care of them every day.
15. Pointing out problems won’t make anything better.
Just getting into your relationship with problems only creates more problems. Nobody wants to hear what they’re doing wrong without getting help on how to fix things. If you want to bring up a problem, make sure you have a solution too.
16. When you love someone, don’t try to change them.
Instead, aim to understand him. You should both be comfortable in the relationship, rather than like you’re not good enough.
If someone else’s personality bothers you or makes you so unhappy that you want to change that person, you are probably dating the wrong person. You can only change yourself, no one else.
17. Every relationship has its value, no matter how long it lasts.
You may feel like you wasted two years of your life on someone who broke up with you, but that’s not true. I am sure there were happy memories or at least lessons you learned from them.
In this context, you shouldn’t let the notion of “failure” deter you from leaving a relationship that isn’t working. Some people are only meant to be in your life now and not forever.
18. You cannot expect your partner to meet all of your needs.
We expect our partners to give us what a community used to take care of. We want security, a best friend and a lover, but also a co-parent, intellectual stimulation and a hobby companion.
Instead, you should have people in your life who meet your specific needs. If you enjoy hiking and you have friends who enjoy doing it too, it may not matter that much if your partner fulfills that need.
19. Love won’t look like it does in the movie.
I’ve thought for too many years that love should look like the romantic comedies of the 90s, but now I’m older and I’ve realized that love was unhealthy.
Tears of being mean to one another and breaking the heart of a loved one may make for a great movie, but not a healthy relationship. Do not be misled by perfectly written actions.
20. Do not compare your relationship with others.
Put your phone down. Stop going on social media. Stop thinking that if you just had your sister’s relationship you would be happier.
Every person is different. Focus on your own relationship instead of comparing what you don’t have with other people.
Instead of guessing how love works, look at people who have already learned. It’s similar to a mini love hack.
With this knowledge, you can make wiser decisions about your love life and hopefully avoid some pain in the process. ‘