Ohh, the love bombing ! If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know exactly what love bombardment is.

If you haven’t had this privilege, I’ll explain what it is. So, if you recognize this kind of behavior in your partner, you know it’s time to run away!

As the name suggests, love bombardment is an oxymoron. The word “love” gives you butterflies in your stomach and makes you happy. So you are thinking to yourself how pure loving behavior could be the narcissist’s secret weapon ?!

Well, the term “bombardment” answers your question. The narcissist isn’t going to just compliment you or tell you how important you are to them.

No, he will suffocate you with superficial and extravagant proofs of love in order to force you to love him, stay with him, and trust him. In short, he will go to extremes to convince you of his love.

It’s his way of showing you that his feelings are genuine and that he wants to have a serious and healthy romantic relationship with you.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, it’s a trap!

At the start, everything is beautiful and rosy. Then…

Oh yes, when the narcissist begins to offer you all his attention and affection, do you feel over the moon? You have the impression that the good Lord answered your prayers and gave you your soul mate.

But wait a bit before thanking him!

If everything seems perfect at the start, things will change quickly. Indeed, in the first phase of the romantic relationship, the narcissist tries to take control.

So he hides his real face to get what he needs from you: your admiration. Yes, he wants you to become his number 1 fan!

And once he’s got his turn of manipulation, the tone of the relationship abruptly changes. Indeed, he reveals his true face, takes off his mask and loses all interest in you.

And then came the shock ! You feel betrayed and abandoned. Your heart and soul are going through a deep trauma from which they will have a hard time recovering. 

So you wonder what happened. Did you make a movie for yourself? Is your dream turning into a nightmare?

For god’s sake, what’s going on? 

You search for answers, you start to doubt everything and you blame yourself for being so stupid.

All of a sudden, this mad man in love disappears behind the mask of a cold and unscrupulous narcissist. So either he ignores you completely, or he dumps you by message.

You no longer recognize the man you fell in love with. All of a sudden, the promises of love flew away. And you know what ? They will never come back!

You are in pain and in denial.

The narcissist’s need for emotional supply

There is one thing to know: When a partner practices love bombing, it means that they have very low self-esteem. Yes, despite appearances of trust and independence, narcissists are not sure of themselves.

Indeed, they constantly need to be reassured by their loved ones. Unfortunately, what they get is never enough because it doesn’t fill the void they feel deep inside.

In short, narcissists are emotional vampires!

Their self-perception is determined by what other people think of them, so they do everything to control what other people think in order to feel better about themselves.

So love bombardment is a way to seek attention, boost their egos, and satisfy their needs for love, power, and control. 

Many narcissists resort to courtship, play games, and use relationships to thrive. Romantic relationships are intense and develop rapidly.

The attention can be overwhelming and exciting for the recipient. And communication is often excessive, reflecting the narcissists’ need for assertiveness, usually through social media, where they can exercise greater control from a distance.

Between idealization and devaluation, where do you find yourself?

For a narcissist, it’s not enough to be loved or appreciated. Indeed, what matters is the status of the person. She must have qualities that he considers superior: wealth, beauty, power, fame, intelligence, etc.

Why ? Because the narcissist thinks that if he succeeds in gaining the admiration of a person whom he considers to be superior to all the others, it means that he is truly worthy of it.

But when reality takes over, the narcissist falls from above. Indeed, little by little, he realizes that his partner is not as perfect as he thought.

He notices small imperfections, behaviors or habits that he does not like. The ideal and imaginary image takes a hit.

For fear of losing his status in society, he begins to be ashamed of his partner. And he projects it on her, criticizing her.

When the partner’s image deteriorates (in the narcissist’s head), he leaves her in the worst possible way in order to find another victim. Someone more perfect!

The narcissist’s attachment style is generally fearful-avoidant. This means he never feels safe and bases his self-esteem on the behavior and reactions of others.

In her mind, no one is good enough to meet all of her emotional needs.

Is it possible to change my attachment style?

Yes ! But to do this, you have to learn to take your time. Rushing into intimacy will not create a romantic bond but an unhealthy attachment.

It is an attempt to meet personal and psychological needs. However, it takes time to get to know someone: this is how trust and love develop in a healthy relationship.

Stay in touch with your body and your feelings. In the intensity of a new romance, ask yourself if your “excitement” is really the anxiety of rejection and the uncertain hope for a rosy future.

Do you feel free to be open and honest and set boundaries, or are you walking on eggshells? Do you follow the rules to please your partner? In other words, can you be genuine, say “no” and express negative feelings?

It usually takes time and trust. 

Watch and listen to how your mate treats and talks about other people and their ex. Does he praise you but give orders, blame or denigrate others?

If so, know that one day he will behave the same with you. You have been warned … 

 

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M.Danial

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