Cushioning: perfect spare tire or infidelity?
The cushioning is the latest fashion in terms of relationships. Some compare it to emotional infidelity, others think it’s a way to keep your options open.
So where is the truth hiding?
The cushioning, it’s a bit to be in a relationship with someone who is constantly on an ejection seat. You see ? You are happy and in love but you are looking to see if the grass is not greener elsewhere.
And when it does, you hit the “eject” button and poof! You detach yourself from your current partner or you cross the moral barrier and you embark on an adventure.
Whatever the situation, it can be said that the line between loyalty and infidelity, moral and immoral, is very thin.
Despite the ethical and moral question, there are many people who opt for this kind of relationship. Apparently it’s very trendy.
When you start a new romantic relationship, there is always a period of doubts. We worry about whether the other really loves us. We wonder if the relationship is exclusive and we are afraid of becoming too attached.
Clearly, in our modern society, you are right to worry. You already know ghosting , mooning or slow fade, now get ready for cushioning .
Enrich your love vocabulary
The cushioning is the last term dated to include in your lover dictionary. The principle is simple: a person who is already in a relationship maintains several “superficial” relationships on the side.
These relationships are pillows. That is, human shock absorbers with whom you exchange messages, flirt or even go out for a drink.
In short, these are options that you keep under the elbow in order to plan the aftermath of your current romantic relationship. Indeed, if your partner leaves you or if things turn badly, you are already ready (e) to jump feet together in another story.
If that sounds dishonest to you, that’s because it is. After all, even if you don’t officially date those people you hang out with, you are emotionally betraying the person you are with by keeping those romantic options.
Moreover, this situation is not enviable for your options either. Indeed, you give them a false hope and crumbs of your attention so that they remain clinging to your basques.
By doing this, you are not giving them the opportunity to seek true love, someone who will put them first.
Why is cushioning so fashionable?
To tell the truth, cushioning is a technique of avoidance, of protection. Yes, people who are constantly keeping their options open are people who are afraid to make a serious commitment.
So, they don’t want to feel vulnerable or be hurt. So they do not fully live their relationship as a couple. Indeed, when you do your best not to experience negative emotions in your romantic relationship, you are also missing out on all the positive.
It’s like being in a relationship, while wearing a seat belt. It is restricting yet very tempting. This is because when you leave, for example, a long-term relationship, you are not necessarily ready to commit to someone else.
So even if you like this person, you will stay on your guard and avoid the overly serious commitment. After all, you don’t want to be in pain again.
While cushioning works, it also prevents you from having a fulfilling love life. While you might think that the person you’re dating won’t be hurt by your flippant demeanor, sooner or later they’ll realize that you’re not being completely genuine with them.
In addition, living a romantic relationship without really attaching yourself, gives you a deep sense of loneliness. So think twice before embarking on this kind of adventure.
The emotional divide can be insurmountable
Unfortunately, this is not a phenomenon reserved for new relationships. And honestly, I was shocked to learn that.
Someone recently told me that while he is very happy in his long term relationship, he still seeks to meet his emotional needs outside of it.
In fact, cushioning is very tempting because you always have someone on hand who will boost your ego, answer your calls in the middle of the night, or offer you a shoulder to cry on.
In many ways, it even makes sense to embark on these kinds of adventures. After all, it’s unrealistic to expect one person to meet all of our needs – that’s why we need friends, family, and a larger support network. .
Even in the event that you are surrounded by extremely good people, when you feel emotionally insecure in a relationship, the worst thing you can do is actively seek support outside of that relationship.
Indeed, this attitude will help to widen the emotional gap between you and your partner. Besides, cushioning also implies that dating and relationships are games that can be won.
While it’s a good idea to keep a cool head at the start of a relationship, falling in love is not something that you can fully control.
And having insurance policies to cushion the blow of a failed relationship won’t give you peace of mind, in the long run.
In fact, if you are planning an exit strategy, it’s because you know you already need it!
What does being a safety “cushion” mean?
The cushionin g often arises from friendship. Indeed, it is often when the line between being a good friend and a crush blurs.
Moreover, in general, the transition is gradual. We befriend someone who is in a relationship and there is a spark of attraction but we ignore it.
Then things take a different turn. The conversations focus on the couple’s issues, the messages arrive later and later in the evening, and there are no more taboo subjects.
All of a sudden you become someone’s open option. Whether this constitutes infidelity is open to debate.
But if you confide in your options instead of your partner, it can only lead to trust issues and unnecessary temptation.
Whenever possible, relationship issues should be discussed as part of that relationship, involving outside people will only complicate matters further.
How to resist temptation?
Why don’t you feel safe in your romantic relationship? Do you hold on to negative experiences? Or are you missing something?
If you feel that your past is preventing you from moving forward, you can seek outside help or advice. But the first should always be open communication with your partner.
Yes, tell him / her what’s going on. Would you like your partner to watch your favorite series with you every now and then or ask you questions about your day after work?
Rather than complaining about your “option” and relying on him / her to support you emotionally, try talking to your partner and addressing your concerns head-on.
Then, it is very important to set limits in your friendships with profits. There is no reason that men and women cannot be friends.
But if attraction confuses your mind, be strict about how you act in these friendships. Don’t complain about your partner to them, engage in “what if” conversations, and make it clear that your friendship is nothing more than a platonic relationship.